系列英语笑话

加入时间：05年6月8日10:45

1.  Doctor: Please open your mouth, madam.
    Lady: Thank you very much, doctor.
    Doctor: Why do you thank me?
    Lady: Because my husband always asked me to shut up. 　

2.  A teacher  asked one of his students:" What is the longest and what is the shortest?"
    The student answered immediately:" The last several minutes of a  class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."

3.  The teacher asked Tom: "Why did you come to school so late this morning?" "Someone lost one yuan." Answered Tom. "Oh, now I know, you helped him find the money," the teacher said. "No, I stood on the money until the person went away," was Tom's reply.

4. Teacher: David, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?
    David: What was it ?
    Teacher: Eggs.
    David: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday. 　

5. Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
    Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead. 　

6. Tom: How's your little brother, Johnny?
    Johnny: He's ill in bed. He hurt himself.
    Tom: That's too bad. How did it happen?
    Johnny: We betted who could lean further out of the window, and he won. 　

7.  A man traveling at 130 miles per hour on the road was stopped by traffic police. " Sorry, officer." said the driver, " Was I driving too fast?" " No, sir. You were flying too slow." 

8. Girl: Remember that vase you always worried I would break?
    Mom: Of course. What about it?
    Girl: Your worries are over. 

9. Patient: You say carrot is good for eyesight. Is that true?
    Doctor: Certainly. Have you ever seen rabbits wearing glasses? 　

10. David: Did you know that we are related?
      Neighbor: Goodness, how can that be?
      David: Your dog and my dog are brothers. 　 

11. A young man was in love with a beautiful girl. One day she said to him: "It is my birthday tomorrow." "Oh," said the young man, "I'll send you roses, one rose for each year of your life." The same evening he went to a florist's. As he knew that the girl was twenty-two years old, he paid for twenty-two roses and asked the florist to send them to the girl the next day. When the young man left the shop, the florist thought: "This young man is a very good customer. I think that my price was too high. I'll send ten more roses." He did so. The next morning thirty-two roses were sent to the girl. When the young man came to see her, she didn't speak to him. And he never knew why she was so angry with him.                                                                       

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